The Chocolate Balm

Here's a piece of conversation I had with myself yesterday:

Me: I’m craving for chocolates.

My alter ego: What’s there in that stupid brown gooey thing so laden with calories?

Me: I want that bittersweet taste. I want that rich molten feel circling around my tongue. I want that divine pleasure to last for hours.

My alter ego: Per say, right now you have a chocolate in your mouth, in that case can you describe how would you feel?

Me: It feels like the world is a better place to live in, it makes me feel loved and feel wanted. It takes away all the gnawing pain I feel in my heart.

My alter ego: So, it seems as if what you really want is to live in a make-believe world. A world without pain, a world where you feel loved and wanted

Me: Uh-oh. Is this a ploy? Are you trying to talk me out of wanting chocolates?

My alter ego: No, not at all. Having or not having a chocolate is absolutely your call. What I’m trying to learn is what exactly are you looking for in a chocolate, is the food itself or is the food serving as a cover up for something more vital.

Me: Uhm, well in that case I want to feel good about myself, I want to feel loved and wanted, I want to make my parents happy.

My alter ego: Why don’t you try to let loose yourself for a second. It’s okay to feel lonely and unloved, and it’s also okay to seek out love. Why don’t you acknowledge the fact that you want love?

Me: But what if I know I can't have it? My relationships are best in my mind and I can’t handle my parents pressure as they don’t take stock in the virtual world I live in. Hell!! What's the point of wanting love when I can't have it?

At this juncture my alter ego takes the centerstage. Now listen to my ego speak:

Yes, I guess you have fallen prey to the usual bait—FOOD because you believe that what's the point in wanting something you can't have? You want to spare yourself the pain and turn to something you can have--food—is’nt that right?

Why don’t you just admit what you want and then work in a positive direction to have it, rather than letting something else replace it. This way you will be able to get in touch with your innate desires. I agree that it’s the insatiable desire and craving itself, which is amazingly satisfying. But you have to believe me that It's the desire--not its fulfilment--that cheers your soul. It works by keeping your mind off the worldly tensions and worries. If you closely listen to that language, you hear your self.

It is not the chocolate, it's not the chips, it's not the icecream. If you give yourself permission to want without judging or dismissing your desires as crazy, you, too, have the power to return yourself to what you want most: the centre of your own stunning, tender, radiant heart.

It turns out, that the chocolate has had always been inside me.