Uncertainty

Last night I was so excited, so certain that today would be beautiful. Now, huddled in my pyjamas and holey tee over my second cup of tea, faced with uncertainities, life seems less promising. Perhaps I should quit starting the day off with depressing music. And if I'd call my parents back, then I wouldn't have to feel so guilty all the time. I know I need a little clarity.

There are lessons in living abstemiously. I ask the gods for guidance and then fill my ears with noise. But sometimes they grant me the most incredible ephipanies. I feel like I'm flailing about in a great body of water. Each breath of air seems a gift; my toes stretch beneath me to discern some hint of a current. "write and paint and listen and wait," the gods tell me. But sometimes all I want to do is weep like a child, to stomp my feet in tantrum. But my world has lost all hard surfaces against which the soles of my feet might be banged. And when I weep, I feel the water level rising. Outside, the world is dead- a withered world. I long to break this silence, but my powers are like lilies, succulent and fragile. How will I ever grow strong here, where the only rain is inside of me?

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Well, this is it
I’m running out of space
Here is my address
And number just in case.
This time as one
We’ll find which way to go
Now come and meet me
On the sunny road

Sunny Road - Emiliana Torrini