Mind some tea?

Wide awake and feeling jarred, I’m staring at the blank walls of my room, it's 1 am and I'm brewing some aromatic Darjeeling tea, wondering about the road, my life, and the choices I have made. This is a common recent occurrence for me, alone in my room, late at night thinking, unable to sleep. This sleepless trend is quite in contradiction with my usual exuberant self. I wish I could turn my mind off for a while and NOT THINK. There are times when I cannot find the switch that turns off my head. Therefore, I plot and I plan and I figure and I worry, and then I make myself mentally bushed.
O’damn ! I can’t put my mom out of my mind for a second…I hate myself for hurting her. But there’s nothing I can do. Damn it!! I know staying with her might help but I have a goddamn tour. Can’t prioritize. Mum over job or job over mum ---I am feeling miserable. I want to take a break and go for a trek. I guess that it is like this for everyone in this business, but tonight I feel beaten up for some reason. My emotions run up and down the road, just like me. It feels like they are trying to catch up with me all the time. It's like I am on a ride going in circles, more or less ending up where I started most of the time. I am driving in circles. The crazy cyclonic circle is whirring my mind and there is an opaque pane between me and the dark night and I cannot even shout into that grey bird feather-darkness. The only word that would explain everything is the beginning of everything. I can’t handle it…ah! Let me just get off this guilt trip and reach for a positive slant on things this time, even though I’m very, very tired. So what? Mind over matter, matter over mind. Focus. Let the tea do its part in tossing this tension out. What say?